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Thursday, December 24, 2009

7 Secrets of a Happy Marriage

Do you believe in falling in love? In finding that "special someone" who is your other half, your soulmate? Do you dream of finding the one person in all the world who will understand you, love you and be there for you, no matter what? If so, you're not alone. In fact, statistics show that about 90% of adults will get married at least once in their lives.

As a society, we've become so conditioned to the fairy tale of "Happily Ever After" that many people actually feel as if their life is lacking something if they're not a part of a couple.

But sadly, just like in the movies, most peoples' thoughts seem to stop at the part when the music swells and the happy couple says "I do" and loses themselves in that first magic kiss as husband and wife. They don't think about what happens after the honeymoon.

Considering that about 43% of all marriages in the U.S. ends in divorce, perhaps a class on the realities of building and maintaining a strong healthy marriage should become required before signing on the dotted line of a marriage license.

Having a happy marriage doesn't just happen by accident. It doesn't happen because you're "in love" or "perfect" for each other. Marriage is a partnership, and like any partnership, it takes commitment, dedication and hard work to help it to grow strong.

Here are some tips given by couples whose marriages are strong and healthy. Follow them, adapt them to work in your own marriage, and you'll be on your way to having what we all want -- a happy marriage!

1. Communicate. It's important that you keep the lines of communication open. Especially when things go wrong. There are so many outside influences that can affect a marriage -- jobs, family, friends, hobbies, education, church. If you're suddenly not being able to spend time together, or you're fighting about money, it's especially important to talk about what's going on.

2. Listen. It's a sad fact that we are often more polite to strangers than we are to the people we love the most. If your spouse is trying to talk to you, whether it's to find out what you want for dinner, to tell you about their day, or to discuss a problem in your marriage, give them the same courtesy you'd give a complete stranger, and LISTEN! Don't try to finish their sentences, don't try to solve their problems, and don't ever say, "I told you so!" Here's an especially apt poem, written by Ogden Nash:

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the wedding cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

3. Create rituals and family traditions. Every successful couple has their own private rituals - things they do that has a special meaning just to them. So whether it's getting your spouse coffee every morning, a special touch that means "I love you", or creating couple signals for "Let's get out of here, or "No, I don't want to buy a timeshare for $95,000!" find your own. Remember some of your favorite childhood family traditions, and incorporate them or start new ones in your own couple. Someday, you'll look back on each time as a treasured memory.

4. Go on a date. Couples who have been together for thirty, forty and even fifty years or more say that one of the things that has kept their marriage strong is going out on a "date" with their spouse on a regular basis. If money is tight, try taking a walk together, going to a dollar movie, or even to a drive-in. Spending quality "couple-time" helps to reinforce the special feelings that made you fall in love with each other in the first place.

5. Agree on money matters early. Amazingly, many couples never discuss money except in the most superficial ways until after they're married. One of the leading causes of arguments in marriages is because of a difference in how money is handled in the couple. Before you walk down the isle, discuss your feelings about things like credit, paying bills and saving money. Talk about how you will pay expenses, and who will handle the money. Finding out after the fact that you have major differences is only going to lead to long term problems.

6. Love and Respect. No matter what happens outside of your marriage, it's vital that you and your spouse always treat each other with love and respect. There are some simple rules that have worked for couples for the last 80 years that still apply today. They include: Never go to bed angry. Kiss each other every time you come home, or before going out. Say "I love you" every single day. Mind your manners, and say "Please" and "Thank-you". Do something for the one you love every day. Just because. Occasionally write love letters to each other. Laugh at his/her jokes, no matter how bad they are, or how often you've heard them. Don't sweat the little things. Try something new once in a while.

7. Maintain a commitment to your marriage. This can be especially difficult today, but it's important that you put your marriage first. If you're committed to making your marriage a success, and you know that your partner shares your commitment, there's nothing that the two of you can't accomplish.

And you'll be one of the lucky few that have a truly happy marriage.

What Makes a Happy Marriage?

A happy marriage is not a promise to every couple. Those who discover the keys to a happy marriage manage to make it and prove that marriage can be full of bliss. It is therefore vital to study and understand what makes a happy marriage, before you apply it in your life. Let me start by saying that every couple can have a happy marriage. This is because we were all created with a capacity to be happy and to make other people happy. Joy and happiness is constant and there are no new formulas to make sure you are happy. You just need to remind yourself of what happiness was before you move on. In marriage, happiness is the responsibility of both partners. There are married people who wait for the other person to be the source of their happiness. You must take charge and realize that, to make a happy union, you must first be happy. Your self esteem and confidence must be high. Those people who have a low opinion on life will make lousy marriage partners. Nobody wants to be stuck with a spouse who has a wrong attitude; the marriage might not even work.

Therefore, keep in mind that you need to be a source of love as you receive it. The more love you give the more you receive. For example, let us start with how you treat your spouse. Some people never show respect. You must use a nice language while talking to your mate. This applies to both men and women. Some people treat their friends better than they treat their husbands or wives. Your spouse is the most important person in your life and, you should use a language that will be pleasing to them. Another thing you can do to enhance your union is to be full of compliments. You are the one who should empower your spouse remember, this is the only close friend you will ever have. When you got married, you became one and, when you compliment your spouse, you will be complimenting yourself. All these will be enabled by love. If you do not have love in marriage, you are wasting your time.

You will live for convenience but, you will never have true joy. The worse thing is not lack of love in marriage. It is the lack of willingness to love your spouse. Where there is no will there is no way. Other things you can do to create a happy marriage is to look after yourself and look good. It does not matter whether you are going somewhere or not; do it for your partner. To spice up your sex life, try a new position every month. Sex in marriage should be adventurous. Unfortunately, most people have made it boring and uninspired. Play silly games once in a while. You can also surprise each other with gifts from time to time. If you keep at it, you will discover that marriage can be made in heaven.

How To Attain A Happy Marriage

If you desire a happy marriage, there are various things that you can do to help make certain it happens. First, you require to keep in mind that your marriage is a union of two people. And as such, what may work for you may not work for your partner. Understanding your partner and being willing to compromise are very crucial things that you should do.

A happy marriage does not necessarily mean a marriage without quarrels or that has flawless concordA marriage that has flawless concord or free of quarrels or altercations does not necessarily imply a happy marriage. Two people living under the same roof will have differences from time to time, and these divergences commonly manifest in the form of a fracas. If a fight is taking place, communication is occurring, hence fighting is not necessarily a sign of bad relationship. This is the common advancement of a relationship. What matters isn't that you have had a fight, but how you recover from the fight afterwards. It will be pretty trying for you to have a happy marriage if you do not settle the problem. You will be able to attain the relationship of your desire if you take time to discover both the immediate and the remote cause of the problems and work toward remedying it.

There are numerous benefits to having a happy marriage. You will be capable of handling more problems as a team than you can by yourself, if you have a spouse that you can rely on. This can be emotional reliance, as well as financial reliance. By having a partnership of equals, it is much simpler to work through pesky financial troubles, as well as personal problems between you, your spouse and family members. If you view your marriage as a team working at the goal of living together in harmony, it is much easier to achieve happiness.

Forming a happy marriage takes more than love. It requires a lot of hard work. You and your spouse must be willing to learn how best to work together as a team. Sometimes this does not progress naturally. If you are finding that this is the case with you, you can make use of a marriage counselor to assist develop those skills. Not all marriage counseling means that you are having serious problems with your relationship. Events or occassions like marriage encounter weekends and counseling are about enhancing your relationship and not necessarily repairing damage only.

If you are serious about having a happy marriage, you need to talk to your spouse as soon as you can. You need your mate to be as interesting about keeping your marriage the best as feasible, and it requires two to make a relationship work.

Three Easy Tips to Help Build a Happy Marriage

It is part of the popular culture to make fun of how poorly marriages work. If I had a nickel for the number of times I’ve heard people complain about their spouses, I’d be an obscenely wealthy woman. Sometimes comments are made in jest, but usually, they’re tinged with a degree of hopelessness and suffering.

This does not need to be the case. My husband and I have been married for over twelve years. The first several years were difficult. But then, we searched for experts in marriage from which to learn. Since that time, our marriage has flowered into a powerful, harmonious partnership. Today, we’re more in love than ever and we’re enjoying the fruits of our labor in creating a great marriage.

Here are several tips to help you build a happy marriage. I hope they will help you as much as they helped us. Before you go on, here’s a hint about this information: Let it sink in. The things we’ve learned are powerful and become more so the more you work with them. Let them slowly re-train you to think about your marriage differently.

Tip #1 to Build a Happy Marriage: Grow Personally – Weren’t we suppose to be talking about marriage? Yes, we were. But a happy marriage begins with happy people. Many people aren’t happy in their lives and they expect a marriage to make them happy. This is not a healthy expectation. Marriage cannot make an unhappy person happy. It just can’t. And the more we rely on marriage to do that, the more we’ll destroy our marriage with unrealistic expectations.

Each spouse in a marriage needs to take on living a happy life and bringing happiness to the marriage. The best way to do this is to take on growing as a person. I’ve found that usually, one spouse takes this one first, then the other follows. If you’re the one to start the ball rolling in this arena, don’t complain. Someone has to start, it might as well be you. Another time, your spouse will initiate the positive action.

Begin by improving an aspect of your life that is important to you, then go on to whatever is next. Soon, you’ll find that your spouse is inspired to do the same thing.

Tip #2 to Build a Happy Marriage – Realize that You Don’t Need Your Spouse – What? Am I crazy? No. I’m not crazy. You don’t need one another. You already have all that you need. The silly saying of “you complete me” gives off the wrong impression. We’re each complete. Can you imagine what a setup this “you complete me” expectation is for a marriage? This often puts one spouse into the position of neediness and the other spouse in a position of obligation. Powerful marriages are built on something other than the needy/obligated model.

Any strong marriage, that takes on the proportions of true partnership, must go through a phase where each spouse realizes that they are strong people, able of creating a great life for themselves. This puts the marriage into the context of something that we freely choose to do, rather than a net that we’re caught up in. When we realize this, we become more responsible for creating our marriage. When this occurs, we’re generous, forgiving, and compassionate because we choose to be in the relationship.

Tip #3 to Build a Happy Marriage – Be Disciplined About What You Think About – Most of us carry around our worries and concerns so that they are foremost in our minds at all times. When this is the case, days can go by when we don’t even notice our spouse at more than a superficial level. When this happens, people remark that they become roommates with their spouse and they don’t love each other any more. This is not because they really don’t love one another, it is often because they haven’t put any concentrated effort into spending conscious time with each other.

Upon the advice of our marriage expert, my husband and I practiced putting aside our worries of the day each evening when we’d spend time together. At first, this was difficult and we found that there were certain issues that we couldn’t let go of. When this was the case, we’d have to deal with those issues in a timely manner and then, we could go back to really enjoying our time together.

As we got better, it became natural for us to enjoy each other’s company. We made it a point to spend time developing our relationship and creating a strong marriage, rather than relying on simply living in the same house to keep us together.

Happy Marriage

A perfect match for what you have been looking for all this time. Simply continue to read our article in order to find out more.

If you want a happy marriage, there are several things that you can do to help make certain it happens. First, you need to keep in mind that your marriage is a union of two people. What may work for you may not work for your partner. Understanding your partner and being willing to compromise are very crucial things that you should do. Click Here

A happy marriage does not necessarily mean a marriage without quarrels or that has perfect harmony. Two people living under the same roof will have disagreements from time to time, and these disagreements normally manifest in the form of a fight. Fighting is not necessarily a bad signal for a relationship. If a fight is occurring, communication is happening. This is the normal progress of a relationship. What matters isn't that you have had a fight, but how you regain from the fight afterwards. If you do not work out the problem, it will be very difficult for you to have a happy marriage. However, if you take the time to find out the cause of the problems and work to correct it, you will be able to have the relationship you want.

There are many benefits to having a happy marriage. If you have a spouse that you can rely on, you will be able to handle many more problems as a team than you can by yourself. This can be emotional reliance, as well as fiscal reliance. By having a partnership of equals, it is much easier to work through nerve-racking financial troubles, as well as personal problems between you, your partner and family members. If you view your marriage as a team working at the goal of living together in harmony, it is much easier to achieve happiness.

Forming a happy marriage takes more than love. It requires hard work. Both you and your partner have to be willing to work and willing to learn how best to work together as a team. Sometimes this does not develop naturally. If you are finding that this is the case with you, you can make use of a married couple counselor to help develop those skills. Not all marriage counseling means that you are having serious problems with your relationship. Counseling and events like marriage encounter weekends are about improving your relationship, not necessarily repairing damage only. Click Here

If you are serious about having a happy marriage, you need to talk to your partner as soon as you can. It takes two to make a relationship work, and you need your spouse to be as enthusiastic about making your marriage the best as possible.

That concludes this article, I hope you found the information helpful. Please feel free to continue to browse around the site for more useful articles.